Community Season 4
by Dynamic Contender
Summary: My version of season 4 (which would act as a series finale) consisting of 24 episodes instead of 13. The 13 episodes are completely re-written and differ from the shows versions as well as 11 completely original episodes. I decided to each episode as chapters since they're all related. Comments welcome. Alternative History is only the teaser for now.
1. History 101

HISTORY 101

Jeff, Britta, Annie and Shirley sat at their usual table in study room F. The girls spoke amongst themselves as Jeff used his phone as an excuse to ignore them.

"Now that we're seniors, I've decided I'm going to do senioritis this year. Just hangin' out; blowin' off classes, pullin' pranks, not sayin' my Gs."

Shirley smiled and let slip an excited hum. "I'll join you."

"Or Jeff, or whoever," Annie replied.

"Not interested," Jeff said without removing his gaze from his phone's screen.

Troy and Abed gleefully walked into the room. "Troy and Abed back from summer," they said in perfect sync before taking their seats. Abed quickly became confused, glancing around the room. "Something's different," he said.

"We finally have a table without axe holes in it," Jeff answered.

"Our table fixed itself by magic!" Troy said. He then proceeded to start stroking the table and whispering to it.

"It's not that," Abed continued. "Everything has a different feel to it, different atmosphere. Like when a television show gets new showrunners or changes format."

"Sounds terrible," Jeff said, making no attempt to sound even the slightest bit interested.

"Exactly." Abed replied.

"Where's Pierce?" Troy asked.

He was met with confused looks from the rest of the study group, minus Abed.

"Who?" Jeff asked.

"Pierce. Old, wears glasses; shows strong racist tendencies but for some reason decided to sit between the two African American members of the group." Abed said.

Shirley and Troy make eye contact while she gave Abed a disapproving look.

"We have no idea who you're talking about. There is not – and has never been – another member of our group," Britta said in a worried tone.

No matter how hard he tried, Troy couldn't stop the nervous smile from growing on his face. "You're all just messing with us, right?"

"Are you boys feeling okay?" Shirley asked in a soft voice.

"This is just like that episode of Inspector Spacetime," said Abed.

"What's Inspector Spacetime?" asked Annie.

In what didn't even seem like a second, Troy had started crying, his hands resting on the top of his head. "This can't be happening to us! What is going on?"

Abed tried to comfort Troy while the rest of the study group exchanged guilty looks to each other. Britta subtly nodded to Troy and Abed, to which Jeff responded with a shake of the head to signal no. To his annoyance, Annie broke.

"Don't get upset, we were only joking. It was Jeff's idea."

"Hey!" Jeff said angrily.

"Oh thank you, Jesus. I don't think I could have lived in a world without that show," Troy said, looking up at the ceiling with his hand held together.

"Hey!" Pierce yelled, climbing up from behind the couch on the other side of the room. "What the hell was that?" he continued. "You don't show any hint of emotion when you thought I was gone, but your stupid, gay little show gets real tears! I take back my apology for breaking your toilet."

"You didn't apologise," Abed said.

"You've been using our toilet?" Annie asked in disgust.

Pierce made his way over to the table and sat down in his seat.

"How did you even get in our apartment? And what's wrong with your toilet?" Troy inquired.

"Please. It's toilets, plural." Pierce answered with a smug grin.

"That just makes it worse," Annie replied.

"Everyone shut up," Jeff said after his phone beeped. "We have to get going now."

"Why?" Britta asked.

"There's no time to explain, just come on."

"But I've only just sat down," Pierce groaned.

The study group walked briskly down the corridors of Greendale Community College, making sure to spread themselves out so that others couldn't pass them.

"I can't believe we're getting in this class," Troy said with pure joy.

"I can't believe there's a class called the history of ice cream," Britta added.

"I can't believe Jeff couldn't just explain that in the study room, it literally took seconds; there was plently of time," Abed said before taking a pause to think. "I guess it does make things more interesting than being in one location, but it's still a lazy tactic."

They stopped at their destination, a large pile up of students fighting to get into a class room.

Shirley looked cautious. "That's a lot of people, are you sure we're going to get in?"

"I've already reserved our seats. If there's an easy credit, we will be there. That's the Winger guarantee."

"Another one?" Troy asked.

Jeff lead the group forwards, pushing the other students out of the way and walking into the class. There they found seven empty seats and each claimed one. Annie sat next to Jeff and turned to him after putting her bag down.

"How did you do it?" she asked.

"Well, it turns out that our old pal, Leonard, has secretly been dating a twenty year old, and they've recently gotten engaged. Naturally, Leonard thinks she's only after his money, because let's face it, why else would anyone want to marry that? Anyway, I promised to be his lawyer in their inevitable divorce."

"I didn't even know Leonard had money," Britta said.

"He doesn't, that's why he needs me to cover him. But she doesn't know any of that."

"Wouldn't it be easier to just not get married? After all, it's a sacred and meaningful institution that shouldn't be entered into lightly," Shirley chirped.

"Give the guy a break, he's old and lonely," Jeff responded.

"I sure wouldn't like to be in that position," Pierce muttered to himself before a short nervous laugh escaped his mouth. For once he was pleased to find that the group had ignored him.

"Thanks for the seats, Leonard," Jeff said.

Surprised, Leonard turned to face the study group. "Oh, you're here already? I was going to warn you that it'd be wise to cover your seats with something before sitting down. I had to do some nasty stuff to make sure nobody took them." His words were met with disgusted looks and moans from the others.

The dean walked into the room holding some pink cards. "Yes alright, alright. Alright. Simmer dean, simmer dean."

Jeff leaned closer to Annie. "This can't be good, he's dressed as himself," he whispered.

"Apparently, Greendale's registration has been hacked," The dean said. He waited until some of the students had stopped grunting before continuing. "That's right. Someone hacked into the supply closet and counterfeited these history of ice cream cards." Annie gasped. "Whoever did this is very good. There is only one way to solve this. So, follow me tooooooooooooo." The dean walked out of the room, waving his hand to signal for the class to follow. All the while maintaining that long note.

He guided them down various hallways, still saying the elongated "to", only once stopping for breath.

Eventually they reached the cafeteria which was now littered with large foam obstacles, where the dean disappeared behind a curtain, still saying "to." Moments later he emerged wearing a costume, in a cart pulled by two bulky, handsome men. "The Hunger Deans!" he cheered. The students didn't share his enthusiasm, in fact they didn't look even slightly surprised.

"What a load of balls," Pierce said before looking around to see if any students were giving him an approving look. They weren't.

"Why did you call it The Hunger Deans?" Britta asked, looking around the room. "This place looks more like the set of the game show Gladiators."

The dean briefly looked puzzled before holding his hands in the air and smiling. "Welcome to the Gla-_dean_-ators," he said with the same level of excitement.

"Of course," Jeff said, rolling his eyes.

The dean continued. "There are twenty five tests of strength and agility. The winner of each one of those contests will be awarded a red rubber ball." Pierce smirked to himself. "No ball, no ice cream. These balls are impossible to counterfeit because each one has been marked with my distinct bite print," the dean said as he picked up one of the balls. He then gently bit into it and returned it to the others while Shirley flashed him a strange look.

"I'm out," she said.

"Yeah, no ice cream can be worth all this," Annie said.

"Or the easy credit," Britta added.

"Losers," Pierce said. "I'd do it, but I have an inner ear thing."

"We have to do this," Jeff said.

"Why?" Annie asked.

"I recently found out I need a history credit, this is the only history class now, if I don't get it now I'll have to stay here for an extra year."

"Sorry, this is too weird even for us. I'm going to find out why this place feels different," Abed said. He then walked away before anyone could react.

Troy smiled and rested his hand on Jeff's shoulder. "I don't know what's going on – something about a class – but I really want some ice cream now. Let's make it happen, buddy."

"Great," Jeff said with plenty of sarcasm.

"Well I'm afraid you two are on your own," Britta said.

"But we'll be watching for support," Annie said.

As the girls and Pierce headed over to the seats by Shirley's sandwich shop, Jeff and Troy joined the other contenders who had gathered around the dean.

"Gentlemen... and ladies, my first red ball is way up high. To touch my ball, first touch the sky!" The dean yelled, swinging his arm up to point at a ball in a small cage at the top of a pyramid structure.

Pierce turned to the girls. "This is gayer than Miami Vice." He was shocked when he saw that the students gave it their all, rushing and fighting to be the first to the top. "Hmm, they're going crazy for that ball," he said. "I want it," he exclaimed as he jumped from his seat and ran to the scene with a fierce look on his face.

"I hoped for once we could go a semester without something crazy going on," Britta said. Her sentence ended just in time for them to hear Pierces yell from the middle of the crowd.

"You touch that rope, you die!"

"This is Greendale, that is never going to happen," Shirley replied, ignoring the antics around her.

"I don't get how Jeff is going through with this. I mean look at it, violence, crazy sets and terrible puns. It'd be easier to take an online class or something," Annie said.

"Online class?" Jeff asked.

The girls turned around to see Jeff and Troy stood near them.

"Why aren't you over there doing... whatever that is?" Britta asked.

"We needed a break," Jeff answered. "How did I not think of doing an online class before?"

"You were probably too busy texting," Britta quipped.

"We should get back over there," Troy said.

"Screw that," Jeff replied.

"But what about ice cream?"

"I'll buy you one." These words were met with a large smile from Troy.

"Hey guys, look," Pierce said as he approached holding a red ball, his shirt ripped and a string of blood hanging from his lip. "I finally got one," he continued with a proud smile.

"We don't care about that any more," Jeff said.

Pierce looked at the ball, as if suddenly realising how stupid it was, before tossing it aside. "I've had it with trying to keep up with you people."

"Abed!" Troy yelled in a child-like sense of wonder as he ran to his friend who was approaching the group.

"Did you find your answers?" Annie asked.

"Yeah. Turns out it was just the new table. It was disappointing," Abed answered, the disappointment lost in his monotonous voice.

"We're going to get ice cream!" Troy said. "Afterwards do you want to go and make our wishes?"

"Sure," Abed answered.

"Can I join?" Britta asked.

"Why not?" Abed replied. "It's not like this day could get any worse."

Jeff was about to get into his car when the dean rushed over to him. "Jeffrey. Jeffrey, wait!" he yelled.

"What do you want?" Jeff asked, expressing his annoyance.

"I have had a horrible day, my Hunger Deans idea was Britta'd, one of the students was injured and is threatening to sue, and when I heard you needed a history credit, my day took a nosedive. But you'll be happy to know that we'll be offering a new history class, because I care

about you, and not because I found out that if we don't offer a real history class we'll lose

like forty thousand dollars in grant money," the dean said.

"Well, thank you... I guess."

Troy, Abed, Britta and Pierce stood by a fountain, Troy holding a large jar of pennies.

"I hate to break it to you but wishes aren't real. If you want something bad you have to work for it, or use a spell."

"All of our wishes come true. Last year, Troy wished we got Bin Laden and the Dorito taco," Abed said.

"Yeah, but Obama got credit for both," Troy added with disappointment.

"So you guys do this the first day of every year?" Britta asked.

"Yep, it became our school tradition," Abed answered.

"We always do the first one together, Pierce are you in?" Troy asked.

"No, I only put effort into things that count," Pierce mocked.

"Whatever, but you'll regret it."

Troy, Abed and Britta all took a penny from the jar and threw them into the fountain. They said their wishes out loud at the same time.

"I wish for a thousand wishes," Troy and Abed said.

"I wish for a great school year," Britta wished.

Troy and Abed both turned to look at Britta, slightly confused but also finding her misunderstanding adorable.

"A great school year? No the first wish is always for a thousand wishes," Troy informed her.

"Those are the rules," Abed added.

"But we have all these coins."

"Yeah, but the coins aren't the wishes," Troy said trying to hold back the laughter.

"Oh, I didn't know that."

Troy took another penny from the jar and threw it into the water. "I wish for Britta to have four hundred and ninety nine of my remaining wishes."

"Thank you," Britta said with a smile before throwing another coin in the fountain. "I wish to end all wars."

"That's another rule. No wishes containing the word all, there are guaranteed ironic consequences."

"I don't think anyone is gonna miss war."

"Uh, Star Wars, thumb wars, Storage Wars."

"Fine," Britta said as she stepped into the fountain, causing Troy to gasp in horror.

"You can't get in the fountain."

"I'm taking that penny back."

"I already told you, pennies aren't wishes. You can't flip a wish, that's ridiculous."

"Your rules are ridiculous."

"They're Abed's rules, and they're awesome," Troy said as he joined her in the water.

"So true," Abed said, watching from the side.

Britta took a penny and threw it out of the water. "Un-wish."

"You can't do that," Troy insisted.

"I just did. Un-wish," she said as she threw another coin to her feet. She continued to throw coins until Troy tried to stop her, before long the two were splashing and wrestling in the water. Britta then started to choke Troy.

"Why does this feel good?" he asked.


	2. Practical Interior Design

PRACTICAL INTERIOR DESIGN

Britta, Annie and Shirley were walking side by side down one of Greendale's corridors.

"I'm glad we decided to pick this class in private. If Abed found out again, who knows what would have happened?" Annie said.

"Yeah, last time was a lucky escape," Shirley agreed.

"I really hope this class will help me be more careful with my money," Britta said.

"I think that's a different economics," Annie said in an unsure voice.

They stopped walking and waited at a class room door. Their new class.

"Oh. So what's home economics?" Britta asked.

"It's all about looking after a household. Cooking, cleaning-" Shirley started.

"Woah, slow down, Charlie Brown. I didn't sign up for a class that would just make me take up a misogynistic, out-dated gender role." Britta interrupted, working herself up.

"Yes you did," Annie objected.

"Okay, but I didn't sign up for it intentionally. I just wanted to learn how to not be so stupid with my money."

"Sounds like you should be taking an English class," Shirley teased.

Phoebe Younge stood by the door. A smart looking woman in her mid-thirties, waving hair flowing down to her shoulders. "Don't worry, finance management is covered in the course. And for your information there is more to this class than trying to turn young women into house wives."

"And you are?" Britta asked.

"Your professor," Younge replied.

Professor Younge unlocked the door and walked inside the class, her students following.

"Oh boy," Britta muttered to herself.

Professor Younge stood at the front of the class, writing "Home Economics" and her name on the board.

"Well I might as well drop the class now," Britta quietly said to her friends.

"Why?" Annie asked.

"Come on, you saw how she looked at me out there. She already hates me. I know her type and I have her number, and before I know it we're calling each other. Beep, beep, beep. Hello," she said, pretending to press buttons on an imaginary phone.

"Have you been doing drugs?" Shirley asked with a doubtful look.

Professor Younge turned around, staring at Britta with a cold sharp look. "You, blondie, what's your name?"

"M- Me?" Britta asked sheepishly.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't aware you have body dysmorphia or some other kind of perceptual disorder that means you can't properly judge your own appearance. Do you have blonde hair?"

"Yeah," Britta nervously answered, sinking into her seat.

"And was I looking at you?"

"Yes."

"Then yes I was talking to you! What is your name?" Phoebe yelled as she erupted in anger, her face going tight and red.

"Britta Perry."

The entire class looked worried. Annie was close to tears as she gave her friend a flickering sympathetic look.

"Well, Ms. Perry, would you care to explain why you think it's okay to disrupt my class by talking?"

"It wasn't eve-" Britta started, stopping when Annie nudged her and shook her head. "I'm sorry," she continued as she turned her eyes to the floor.

"I didn't quite catch that. Why don't you stand up and repeat it to the class?"

Britta stood up and carried out the request, making sure to be loud and clear. She then returned to her seat where Shirley rubbed her arm in a comforting manner.

"Good. Now maybe I can get on with teaching this class without being interrupted. Is that okay with you, Britta?"

Britta replied with a smile, trying to sound happy but the façade faded as the short sentence goes on. "Be my guest." She stopped smiling and just looked extremely nervous and uncomfortable. Her eyes quickly flicked back and forth to Annie and Shirley to see if they noticed.

Professor Younge looked at her, disapproving. She moved her attention to the class as a whole. "For those of you who aren't able to read, my name is professor Phoebe Younge. You may call me professor Younge and professor Younge only. This is home economics 101. Over the coming months you will learn the most efficient and effective ways of living essentials. I know some of you will be thinking you already know them, otherwise you'd already be dead, but you are very wrong. And I won't lie, some of you won't make it to the end of the semester." She stopped to look at Garret, walking towards him until she reached his desk. She proceeded to slam her hands down on the desk, making Garrett jump in his seat with a squeal. "You might as well leave now because you don't stand a chance," she said in disgust. Garrett looked around with fear and confusion. "Get out now! You're infecting the rest of us!" she yelled.

Garrett screamed, packing up his books and running out of the room as fast as he could. Annie, Britta and Shirley all looked shocked.

"Your first assignment starts today," Younge continued. "Arrange yourselves into groups of no more than four. Your groups will each be given a room in this school and must decorate it. I will then judge your work and grade it accordingly. Let's see how much you already think you know. Any questions?"

Annie slowly raised her arm. Professor Younge looked at her and nodded. "Do our rooms have to be a specific theme, or can we choose?" Annie asked, scared of what the response would be.

Professor Younge smiled at Annie and answered in a surprisingly soft and calm voice. "Good question. No, you have complete freedom over your room. Supplies will be... supplied, by the school, but you are more than welcome to pick your own, at your own expense."

Annie smiled. Britta looked at her, stunned and wondering what just happened.

Pierce sat alone at the table in the study room. Jeff walked into the room and took his seat.

"Pierce."

"Jeffrey."

A few short moments of awkward silence passed before Jeff decided to strike up a conversation. "You're here early."

"Yeah, I started doing that. People keep trying to steal our table."

"Have a good morning?" Jeff asked, not really interested in the answer.

"Not bad. You?"

"Fine," Jeff answered.

The two returned to silence. Pierce looked discontent, he shook his head and leaned forward. "You're a well groomed, handsome man."

"Where is this going?" Jeff asked, quickly becoming uncomfortable.

"You ever shave your balls?"

"Wow. Please tell me I'm having a nightmare."

"I lied just now, I'm not fine. This morning I decide to give myself a trim... down there. Long story short I must have snagged something and bled for half an hour. I need tips."

"You need to seek medical help. And I am not talking to you about this."

"Come on! We're both grown men and comfortable with our sexuality- well I am. You should be able to talk about this kind of thing without it being weird. Hell, when you get to my age you need to drop your pants for a doctor at least once a year, and they do more than just talk about it I'll tell you that."

Jeff had never felt so relieved as when he saw Troy and Abed walk into the study room. They were different than usual, arguing instead of playing like children.

"How can you look me in the eye and say that? It's hilarious," Troy said as he walked into through the doorway.

"Oh thank God," Jeff said as they sat down at the table.

"Jeff, you're a cool guy. What do you think of The Big Bang Theory?" Troy asked.

"It's terrible. It's nothing more than pointless pop culture references, and most of the time they're not even correct. It's like Abed, if he had no idea what he was talking about."

"Thank you," Abed said. "And good job noticing the wrong references, I'm impressed."

"Why don't you ask me?" Pierce asked, clearly annoyed.

"We didn't think you'd know what it was," Abed answered.

"Nonsense. I am a huge fan of that show and would recommend it to anyone."

"See," Troy agreed.

Pierce continued with a smile. "That blonde chick is HOT. And that Indian guy..." he stopped to laugh. "He could say anything and it would make my sides hurt."

Troy looked disappointed. "Alright. We won't watch it any more."

"Abed you surprise me. I thought you of all people would watch probably the biggest sitcom of this time," Jeff said.

"I watch it every week, I just don't enjoy it. Sadly we're in a time when ratings no longer mean quality. Mindless shows like The Big Bang Theory and Two and a Half Men are ratings hits while fantastic shows go unnoticed and get cancelled. Firefly, Arrested Development, The Cape."

"...Yeah," Jeff slowly said, not even sure if The Cape is a real show.

"So what were you guys talking about?" Troy asked.

"I doubt you two would understand," Pierce replied. He then covered his mouth from Troy and spoke quietly to Jeff. "They probably don't even have any."

"I can still hear you. I'm sat right next to you. And any what?" Troy said.

"Pu-"

"Puppies. Pierce wants to get a dog to keep him company," Jeff interrupted in a loud voice.

"Oh, what kind?" Abed asked.

"A living one," Pierce answered bluntly.

"Cool. Cool, cool, cool."

Pierce once again covered his mouth and spoke to Jeff. "We all know his kind eat them."

"We can still hear you." Troy said, slightly annoyed.

Annie, Britta and Shirley walked into the study room, clearly troubled.

"You guys saw it too right, it wasn't just in my head?" Britta asked.

"No, I can't believe she feels that's an okay way to behave. I bet the man in charge wouldn't like it," Shirley said as she sat down. Annie and Britta looked at her blankly. "I meant the dean."

"Ah," they both sighed.

"Maybe we should report her," Annie suggested.

"Who are you talking about?" Jeff asked.

"Our new home economics tutor," Britta answered, stopping as Pierce chuckled at home economics. "Professor Younge," she continued in a bitter tone.

"What did she do?" Troy asked, concerned at seeing his girlfriend so down.

"She hates me."

"Understandable," Pierce said, causing Troy to turn and frown at him.

The dean rushed into the room. "Oh good you're in here," he said trying to catch his breath.

"Do you want us for something?" Jeff asked.

"Sadly no, only Britta. I've just spoken to Professor Younge who has filed a complaint about your behaviour in her first lesson. Now, I've known you for three years and know the complaint isn't consistent with your personality so no further action will be taken-" The dean started.

"I didn't even do anything. She's a horrible teacher," Britta butted in.

"I'd be more than happy to formally confirm that statement," Annie said.

"There's no need, I know. After all I had to interview her. She made me cry," the dean replied.

"So you're going to get rid of her, right?" Shirley asked.

The dean started to laugh. "No, I couldn't do that. She scares me too much. _But_ if you can get her to do something extreme then I'm sure the board would have to intervene. Well I'll leave you to your day. Chow!"

"And the level of incompetence has reached a record breaking low," Jeff said as the dean left. He then turned his attention to Britta. "You'll be fine, you just need to find a way to get into her good books."

"I'm glad you just said that," Britta said with a smile.

"Uh-oh," Jeff immediately followed.

"What are you guys doing this weekend?" Britta continued.

"Troy and I were going to see the new Resident Evil movie, then we realised they're all terrible and used the money to book opening night tickets for Dredd 3D instead," Abed explained.

"We thought it'd be best to get them now instead of risking it later, that thing is going to sell out," Troy added. "Why'd you ask?"

"We were wondering if you guys would mind helping us decorate a class room," Annie replied.

"Can't you just do it yourselves?" Jeff asked.

"Don't be silly," Pierce quickly responded with a playful smile.

"We could, but with you three helping we can get it done faster, that way we won't be there all night," Annie said, ignoring Pierces comment as she'd learnt was usually the best option.

"What about me?" Pierce asked, once again feeling left out.

"Well no offense, but last time you tried to decorate you almost died."

"It wasn't the first time or the last," Pierce said like it was something to be proud of.

"Decorating or coming close to death?"

"Both."

"Would you like to help?" Shirley asked him.

"Eh. I had plans, but since you insist, I'll just reschedule."

"And of course I'll help," Troy said.

"Sure, why not?" Abed agreed.

"Jeff?" Britta asked.

"Well I'd just look like a jerk if I said no now."

"Like that ever stopped you before," Pierce said.

"Shut up, Pierce! At least I'm happy to admit that I'd rather do something enjoyable than volunteer for anything just to slightly curb my desperate loneliness," Jeff said in anger.

"Touchy," Pierce said in fake surprise.

"So you're not helping?" Britta asked.

"Oh I'll be there, and I will hate every second of it. When is it?" Jeff said through his teeth.

"We'll start tonight at six and get it over with." Britta said.

"See you then," Jeff said before standing up and heading to the door.

"But what about..." Annie started, but Jeff was now gone. "Classes?"

"Pfft, amateur. He didn't even slam the door," Pierce said as he leaned back in his seat.

Annie and Shirley headed down a corridor. Annie looked into the window on the door of the dean's office as they passed. She stopped walking. "Hey, while we're here do you wanna pull a prank?" She asked, full of excitement.

"Ooh, yes!"

Annie tried the door handle and discovered that the door was unlocked. They both crept into the room, turning the lights on as they entered.

"This prank is amazing. He's going to come in here tomorrow and have the creepy feeling that someone was in here. We should go before we get caught," Annie said.

"Aren't we going to do something now that we're here?"

"Do something?" Annie asked. Shirley nodded, looking around the room. "Alright. A prank on a prank. Ah, let's move everything on his desk over an inch, except his stapler."

"Or, how about we fill his drawers full of popcorn?" Shirley suggested.

"Ew. That sounds messy."

"That's kind of the point."

"Let's do it! I'll buy the popcorn later."

"No need, I have some in my car." Annie looked at Shirley with a confused expression. Shirley's face fell. "Don't you look at me like that." She said in a deep, serious voice.

Britta, Jeff, Pierce, Troy and Abed had already started the work. All furniture and equipment had been covered with sheets of transparent plastic. Pierce stood on a ladder.

"Be careful you don't fall," Jeff warned.

"I know how to operate a ladder, dummy. Why are we doing this again?" Pierce replied.

"It's an assignment for class," Britta said.

"Seems to me like they just want free labour," Pierce said.

Troy stood with Britta, opening paint cans. Abed was on the other side of the room, happily looking around as he finished covering the furniture.

"So what colour are we making it?" Troy asked.

"I was thinking about white. Plain and simple. Easy," Britta said.

"Because nothing shows off your creative skills like going with the most sterile colour there is," Jeff said.

"It's a class room, we're not exactly open to a lot of options," Britta replied.

"We could paint it Tron style," Abed suggested with hope.

"I might have a few spare neon lights at my house," Pierce added.

"No!" Britta and Jeff said at the same time.

"I can't believe Pierce has seen Tron," Troy said to himself.

Annie and Shirley walked into the room, giggling quietly.

"Oh good, you're here. How are we going to paint the room? I thought white but Jeff seems to think that's too bland." Britta said.

"I'm just saying, you're being graded on this. You might want to try something more elaborate," Jeff defended.

"I agree, we need to do something more sophisticated," Shirley said.

"Woah, I wouldn't go that far. This is Greendale, there's no sophistication involved," Jeff quickly replied.

"How about a nice, bright floral theme?" Annie asked.

"Ooh, that's nice," Shirley said.

"It's a bit tacky don't you think? We're painting a class room, not a hospital ward," Britta replied.

"I have an idea. I'll get a some paper and sketch it out," Pierce said, scrambling down the ladder and rushing over to a set of drawers.

"This should be good," Jeff said sarcastically. When Pierce returned with a pen and some paper, the group gathered around a table and watched as pierce sketched his idea. "That's actually pretty good," Jeff said in shock.

"Pierce, why have you never mentioned you had skills like this?" Britta asked him.

"Well you know me, too modest for my own good," Pierce answered in complete seriousness.

"Well let's get to it," Annie chirped.

The study group were busy at work. Troy and Abed were stood next to each other painting one of the walls. Music played from one of their iPods that has been connected to speakers.

"Troy and Abed decorating," they both sang.

They stopped painting to do their special handshake.

"Oops, sorry man I just got paint on you," Troy said.

The study group danced around the room to the music.

Shortly after, the study group were in chaos. Panicking and rushing around the room.

"Pierce, I already told you to be careful on that ladder!" Jeff yelled.

A disgruntled Pierce quietly replied in a groaning voice. "I think I'm dying."

Troy and Pierce - now with a bandage around his head - looked in amazement directly at their newly painted wall.

"That's the best thing I've ever seen," Troy said.

"Thanks, I told you it'd be good."

Jeff walked over to them and looked at the wall. "Oh for- Go and look at the plans, and tell me where it says to include a naked woman on the wall. Get rid of it!"

Jeff then went back to his part of the room. Pierce looked at Troy.

"Some people have no appreciation for art," Pierce said.

"Tell me about it," Troy agreed.

Britta walked up and looked at it. "Troy!" she said in an angry voice.

"I'm getting rid of it, I swear," Troy said, scared.

The study group stood in the middle of the room, looking on is awe. They were all covered in paint. The room was now fully transformed. The ceiling and top portion of the wall were pure white. A dark wooden beam going around the room separates it from a light green paint that filled the rest of the walls. The board at the front of the class also has a new frame around it.

"Wow. I can't believe we did this," Troy said.

"Neither can I. You guys are the best, thank you. We're going to pass for sure," Annie said.

"Don't mention it," Pierce said, again completely serious.

"You owe us one. Now I'm going to go home so I can get a good..." Jeff said to the girls as he checked his watch. "Three hours sleep. Wow, I might as well not even bother going home."

"My old dorm room might still be free, you can try that," Abed suggested.

Shirley, Annie, Britta stood in the room, watching nervously as Professor Younge walked around the room, inspecting it and making notes on a clipboard.

Pierce hid outside, occasionally looking in through the window on the door before dropping away again.

"Well?" Annie asked anxiously.

"Impressive. And you did this by yourselves?"

"Of course," Britta said with a smile, trying to hide her fear.

"Then why is "P. Hawethorne" engraved in that border?"

Annie thought for a short moment. "That's our friend, he gave us the wood. That's why his name might be on some of it."

"You said we could get our own supplies," Shirley said.

"Very well. In that case I give the three of you a D."

"What!" Annie asked in horror.

"Minus," Professor Younge continued.

"But you said our work was impressive," Shirley said in confusion.

"On a technical level it is, but there's more to decorating than just putting colour on walls. This is a community college class room, and your style doesn't reflect that."

Pierce burst into the room. "Now listen here, lady. We spent all night busting our balls – figuratively, and possibly literally in my case – to get this finished for what I will just say outright is a ridiculous deadline, and these ladies did a great job. And just because this is a community college doesn't mean the rooms can't look respectable. So go ahead and give them a D, I just want you to know that you get an A in being a bitch, and if you don't start treating people with more respect and kindness, you will grow old and lonely and even more bitter. Good day."

Pierce walked back out of the room. Annie gave him a sweet smile as he walked past them. Professor Younge looked at them in silence.

"As it has now become clear you had outside help, you now fail the assignment," Younge said. They looked shocked and angry. Professor Younge walked up to Britta. "You can expect a word from the dean."

The dean walked into his office humming Daybreak. He put his coat on the rack and sat at his desk. He quickly glanced at his desk before focusing his attention to some papers. He opened his drawer and gasped as he happily took out some popcorn and started eating it. Slowly he stops and his smile turns to confusion as he realises something.

"Did someone move my stapler? I have _got_ to start locking my door."

A man stood at a gas station, filling up his tank with fuel, minding his own business. He was distracted when an almost naked Asian man – Chang, emerged from some bushes, his mouth open and tongue ever so slightly sticking out.

Chang slowly approached the man and handed him a piece of paper reading "My name is Kevin and I have changnesia." The man looked confused while Chang smiles at him innocently.


	3. Alternative History

NOTE: This is currently just the pre-credit scene. Trying to write this and make it different enough from the original episode to justify it and make it good was taking far too long.

ALTERNATIVE HISTORY

The study group headed down the hall for their first history class. As they passed a notice board, Annie couldn't help but smile at a flier warning students that the Greendale prankster had struck again. Jeff noticed that the dean was heading in their direction from the other end of the corridor, slowing down to fall to the back of the group in the hopes that the dean wouldn't see him, failing to notice that he's taller than most of them.

"Look, twelve o'clock. History of ice cream class is letting out," Abed said as he saw the students pouring out of the room with an ice cream each.

"It's as informative as it is delicious!" Garrett shouted with a deranged smile.

Troy put his arm out to stop the dean from passing them. "Can I help you?" the dean asked.

"I thought you said there wasn't going to be free ice cream in that class," Troy said, sounding mildly hurt.

The dean smiled. "Well, now that we have the grant money for the other history class I thought, hey, why not?"

"That makes no sense what so ever. You already had that money before starting the ice cream class. Now you're running an extra class for nothing and providing all students in that class with ice cream free of charge. You're going to lose a lot of money," Jeff informed him.

It took a moment for the dean to process the information, his smile fell to a horrified look. "I have made a terrible mistake. Come on, Craig you idiot! Well I would love to stay and chat but clearly I have to sort this out."

"And we have a class to get to right now, but whatever," Annie said, annoyed at being kept waiting.

Troy let the dean pass and they watched as he rushed away to his office.

"Can you believe that? Maybe he should take home economics," Britta said.

"Ooh could you imagine? Forgive me, Lord, but I would pay good money to see professor Younge make him crack," Shirley said, alternating her voice between high and low.

"I don't know what he was thinking, I heard the final is a sundae bar," Annie told them.

"Meanwhile we're stuck with another hard ass. He's British, _and_ he has a degree," Britta replied.

"I can't have another hard butt teacher. I'm already starting a new business. When am I supposed to see my family? Last week Ben took his first steps without me," Shirley said with worry.

"Quick impression. Wah, who am I? You guys," Jeff mocked.

Pierce laughed. "Spot on."

"Look on the bright side," Jeff started as he opened the door to their class room. "We might actually learn so... n of a bitch!" he said in anger as he noticed the Germans, Juergen, Karl and Lukas sat in the room.

Once the Germans saw the study group they stopped beatboxing and headed over to face them.

"Look who it is," Juergen said.

"What are you doing here? I thought you would have left when we destroyed you at foosball," Jeff asked.

"You cheated!" Juergen replied. "But don't worry, if there's one things Germans don't do it's hold a grudge."

Jeff scoffed. "Sorry, I had something in my throat, now I'm going to laugh at you," he continued before faking laughter.

"Don't worry, I'm sure the school is big enough for the both of us. Although your ego is a different matter."

"Damn it, I was trying to work that in," Jeff muttered to the rest of the group.


	4. Introduction to Romantic Design

INTRODUCTION TO ROMANTIC DESIGN

It was the early morning, and outside Greendale community college cars pulled up and students walked across the parking lot towards college like mindless zombies. The sun is shone bright and the sky was a clear blue. Inside the building the study group sat around their table, vaguely listening to the dean's announcement as they tried to wake up fully.

"Good day Greendale students! I just wanted to update you with a couple of things. It has been brought to my attention that people are just dropping the school newsletters. You did vote for them instead of me doing these announcements so I am hurt that you still aren't paying attention to them. But if you are just going to get rid of them as soon as they're off the press, will you please take care of them responsibly? We're trying to look after the environment here. Second on my list, will whoever has been hacking into the school system and replacing the computer wallpapers with profanity please report to my office, I've locked myself out of my account and need your help. And finally," blared through the speakers before a brief pause. "Jeff... and friends, please make sure you're in the study room in ten minutes, and brace yourselves because I have a surprise for you! To see off this wonderful day, here's some music."

Childish Gambino's "All the Shine" started to play from the speakers. Troy clearly enjoyed it. "Who is this?" he asked. The study group looked at each other and shrugged. "It's good," Troy said, dancing in his seat.

"Yeah," Abed agreed.

A few minutes later, Troy looked slightly annoyed; the music had stopped playing and the dean was once again speaking over the PA system.

"Sorry about that, I didn't know it would be so explicit," the dean said.

Annie looked at the rest of the study group with a huge smile. "I wonder what his surprise is."

"Ten bucks says it's something that sets our day back," Jeff said with disdain.

Pierce eagerly flicked through his wallet and slammed some money on the table. "I'm in! And while you're at it, I bet you another ten that the dean walks into this room with either a pun, or in fancy dress."

"That's hardly a bet, he does that all the time," Jeff replied.

"Take it or leave it, wimp."

"Fine." Jeff placed his twenty dollars on the table as Pierce added his second ten. Abed and Britta took the notes from both ends of the table and pushed them into the middle. They sat in silence while Shirley looks confused.

"Are you just going to sit there until he arrives?" she asked.

"Shhhh!" Jeff hissed.

They continued to sit in silence, looking around the room until the dean strolled in holding a box of beer, which he gently placed it on the table. Instead of an elaborate costume, he wore a simple suit. "How are my favourite students doing this morning?" he asked.

"Pretty good," Annie answered.

"Fine," Britta said at the same time.

"I wish the music was still on," Troy added.

Jeff smirked at a disappointed Pierce.

"No pun, breaking even is okay I guess," Pierce said before leaning forward and reaching for half of the money.

"Ah, not so fast," Jeff said, stopping him. "Dean, what is the beer for?"

"It's a gift to you all."

"Why?" Annie questioned.

The dean's mouth dropped open and his hands clamped at his waist. "I am offended that you think there has to be some kind of motive to treat you a-"

"Just tell us," Jeff interrupted.

"I was hoping you'd do me a favour," the dean admitted.

"What?" Britta asked.

"I want you all to design the new Greendale brochures to hand out to potential students for next year."

"Why us?" Shirley said.

"Because I like to think we're all friends, and friends don't make their friend's school look bad, like some of the other students did."

"What about our classes?" Annie asked in fear.

"I'll make sure you get a passing grade in all classes you miss."

"What kind of grade are we thinking?" Abed said in a colder tone than usual.

"C?" the dean suggested nervously.

"Keep thinking," Abed replied.

Troy looked at Abed. "You been watching Pawn Stars?"

Abed nodded with a smile.

"Okay, a B."

Annie waved her hand in an upward position. The dean rolled his eyes.

"Fine. You'll all get As."

"We'll think about it and get back to you," Jeff said.

The dean smiled and threw his arms in the air. "Great, I'll be... in my office." He walked out of the room as Pierce continued to go after the money.

"Pierce, get off!" Jeff yelled.

"Hey, I won one of them, the surprise was beer."

"No, the surprise is that the dean wanted us to advertise the school, the beer was just a bribe."

"It still counts."

"No, it doesn't."

"Alright, let's put it to a vote. Those who think I won raise your hands."

Nobody did.

"And I was right?" Jeff said, causing everyone to raise their hands.

"This is a joke." Pierce said.

Jeff leaned forward and slid all the money over to himself. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm sure we're all shocked the dean didn't use a pun."

"It doesn't," Pierce said, trying to avoid eye contact.

"Now on to the next item, do we help the dean?" Annie asked.

"Well an A for no work does sound good," Jeff replied.

"I hear you," Britta said.

"The only problem is that it would involve a lot of work," Jeff continued.

"How much work could it possibly be to make Greendale sound appealing?" Shirley asked. The rest of the study group looked at her, while she realised. "Oh."

"No. I agree. We all came here, something drew us here," Annie said.

"Yes, unfortunate circumstances that mean we'd have a hard time getting accepted into somewhere acceptable," Jeff said.

"Either way, we enjoy it here. It changed our lives. Pierce has been coming here for almost fifteen years, it can't be that bad."

"Pierce is an old, lonely, crazy racist who has been abandoned by everyone in his life but us. He's only here because he has nowhere else to be. No offense, Pierce."

"None taken, I just want you to know that at least thirty per cent of what you said was incorrect," Pierce said.

"Can we just get back to Annie pulling a Winger? I want to see how it turns out," Abed said.

"When did my name become a verb? I'm not Britta," Jeff said, half angry and half confused.

Annie continued with her speech. "I don't know about you, but meeting each other through this place was one of the best things to happen to me." Troy and Britta looked at each other and smiled, he then turned to Abed and reacted the same way, in return Abed raised and lowered his eyebrows. Jeff stared deep into Annie's eyes. "The least we can do is make an attempt at bringing more people here, so that maybe this place will have the same effect on them. Now who's in?"

Everyone in the study group raised an arm.

"I guess we should go and get the dean," Jeff said with a sigh.

The dean immediately rushed in. "No dean, no dean, I'm here. I was listening through the wall with a glass," he said, wiping a tear away from his eye. "That was one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard."

"Really? Did you grow up in a strip club or something? That would explain a lot," Pierce said, though the dean simply ignored him.

"I can't thank you enough for this, I might even go out and buy another smaller box of beer. Or maybe wine, would you like that? I'll just decide when I get to the store. Examples of our old material is in the filing cabinet in my office. I'll see you later." The dean left the room again.

Once he was out of the room, Pierce looked at Jeff with a smile. "Looks like you need to give me twenty dollars from your little green pile there."

"Uh, why?" Jeff asked.

"He used a pun when he came in, pay up."

"Yeah, I don't think so," Jeff said, rolling his eyes.

"Why not?" Pierce grew frustrated.

"He said it coming in the second time, that doesn't count. We only bet on the first time."

"Screw you, that counts! Someone back me up here," Pierce yelled, now angry. The study group exchanged a slightly nervous look. "Fine! But next time one of you needs my expertise for whatever mess you get into, forget it!"

"I'm sure we'll manage. Everyone ready?" Jeff said.

Troy, Britta, Abed, Annie and Shirley nodded and they all stood up and started to head out of the room. Pierce continued his rant. "One day I'll be dead, then you'll be sorry. Where are you all going?"

"To see what work we need to do," Britta said.

"Well wait for me." Pierce struggled out of his seat.

The study group stood around the dean's table, staring blankly at a collection of posters, brochures and leaflets.

"Hey," Chang said.

The study group jumped and screamed in fear and turn around to see Chang stood in the doorway with a huge smile on his face.

"Don't do that!" Jeff yelled.

"I'm sorry. What are you guys doing in here?"

"We're designing the new Greendale prospectuses," Abed answered.

"Prospecti," Britta said.

"Right the first time," Annie quickly added.

"What's that?" Chang asked.

"It's the things we send out to try and get more people to come here," Annie told him.

Chang smiled. "Ooh, can I help?"

"No... Actually yes, knock yourself out," Jeff said.

"Okay," Chang said enthusiastically. He then made a fist and prepared to punch himself in the head.

"Not literally. Well not yet anyway, way until we've finished the work, then I'll record it."

"Jeff!" Annie said.

"What? I was kidding. But not really."

"So how are we gonna split the work?" Troy asked.

"Well I won't be involved, I have my business to take care of," Shirley said.

"But you were one of the people who said we should do it," Britta said.

"I didn't mean right now. Ta ta." Shirley waved at them as she jogged out of the office.

"How about this? Annie and Britta, you two make the Brochure, Pierce and Abed make the posters, and Troy and I will make the leaflets," Jeff suggested.

"Boys versus girls, I like it," Pierce said with a smile.

"This isn't a competition," Jeff told him.

"Why does it have to be like that?" Britta asked.

"Well you and Troy are a couple now, there'd be too many distractions. Troy and Abed can't work together for the same reason. Abed is obsessed with movies, so I'm hoping he's made observations about poster design. Annie is the academic so she gets the brochure, which rules out those two working together. I can't work with Annie, because of slightly less distractions. Pierce won't do any real work, no matter what his job is, so this is the only way, any of you care to argue?" Jeff explained, barely taking the time to breathe.

"What do I do?" Chang asked.

"Do you know how to use a computer, or know enough about the school and it's courses to be of any use?"

"No," Chang said sadly.

"Then leave us alone." Chang slowly left the room with a sad Charlie Brown walk. "Now everyone get to work," Jeff continued.

The group split into their pairs and left the office.

Abed is stood in the photography room behind a camera that was fitted to a tripod. "Maybe we should just ask Jeff to do this."

Pierce stood in front of a white sheet, dressed in a red smoking jacket with a cravat and smoking pipe. "Nonsense! I've been coming to this school longer than anyone, I think that is enough to make me the face of it." He paused for a moment. "The literal poster boy."

"I guess I can understand that, but is the costume necessary?"

Pierce started posing in various stereotypical 'sophisticated' ways you'd see in classic paintings. "Are you just going to ask dumb questions, or are you going to take some pictures?"

Abed sighed and started to take photographs.

Annie and Britta sat at the table in the study room. Past brochures were scattered across the table in front of them, with a notebook and pen resting neatly by Annie's side.

"Shouldn't we be using a computer for this?" Britta asked.

"Not yet, we need to go through these and make notes on what needs removing, changing or adding."

"That seems a little old fashioned. I want a coffee, do you want a coffee? How about a sandwich?"

"Erm, no. I'm fine," Annie said, a little uncomfortable.

"How about going to the bathroom?"

"Do you need to use the bathroom?"

"Yes, but not to _use_ the bathroom," Britta answered as she awkwardly winked at a confused Annie.

"Then I'll go with you."

"Great, we'll get Shirley too."

They packed up the stuff into Annie's backpack and headed off to the cafeteria. When they got there Shirley was stood behind the counter of her sandwich shop serving a customer with a smile, she then disappeared into the back room. Annie and Britta approached the counter where Chang jumped up and greeted them.

"Hi, how may I help you?" Chang asked.

Annie and Britta screamed, Chang then also starts screaming. Shirley rushed out in a panic.

"What's wrong? Did you toast your hand again? Oh hey, girls." Her face turned from panic to a smile.

"You've got Chang working for you?" Annie asked.

"He must have followed me here, I didn't have the heart to tell him to leave in his condition. To be honest I'm thankful for the help. Anyway, what brings you here?"

"We were wondering if you wanted to come to the bathroom with us," Britta said.

"Oh, I would but I can't leave Kevin alone with the shop, he still doesn't have the hang of things yet."

"You've started going along with the Kevin thing?" Britta said.

Chang held out some coins to Annie. "Here's your chang."

"We didn't order anything," Annie told him.

"Oh. May I help you?" Chang said with a smile.

"No thanks," Annie answered nervously.

"Yeah... We should get going," Britta said.

As Annie and Britta left, Chang lay flat over the counter on his stomach and waved at them. "Come back soon."

Jeff and Troy sat at a computer in the library looking at an empty word document.

"This is a lot harder than I thought it'd be," Troy said.

Jeff picked up one of the older leaflets and started skim reading it with little interest. "They're perfectly fine already, don't you think?"

"I don't think so. One of them mentions a new rock climbing wall, I've never seen that in the time we've been here. Another one is from two thousand and one."

Jeff flicked through the other leaflets. "Hey look, it's Pierce, and he has hair."

Troy looked at it but wasn't impressed. "That's nothing compared to the pictures he has in his house."

"Climbing wall removed after accident," Jeff said reading from another leaflet. "Huh, from the same year."

"What happened?"

"I don't know, that's literally the full article," Jeff said as he showed Troy the page reading exactly what Jeff had read.

Annie and Britta stood at the sinks in the women's bathroom.

"So what did you want to talk about?" Annie asked.

"I need some advice, and no offense but I was really counting on Shirley being here."

"Well, I'll still try my best. What's it about?"

Britta looked worried. "Troy and I have our first real date tonight."

"Are you saying that in all this time, you haven't been on a date?"

"We've been on dates. But Abed is always invited along."

Jeff had now typed "Greendale" into the document and was staring at it. Troy looked worried, fidgeting and looking around the room as he tried to work up the courage to speak. "Can you help me with something?" he asked timidly.

"Do I have to do anything?" Jeff asked without removing his gaze from the computer screen.

"No. I just need some advice, about women."

Jeff immediately turned to Troy. "Go on."

Britta remembered some of her previous dates with Troy (and Abed). One of them was their meal at a fancy restaurant. Troy was eating a steak, between a bite he looked at Britta and smiled, she smiled back.

"This food is to die for," Troy said.

Abed was sat at the side of the table between them. "Totally."

Another was a quiet night in at Britta's apartment, one she was sure would be the time they would become intimate. They sat on her couch with a glass of red wine each.

"So what do you want to do?" Britta asked.

"We could play doctors and nurses," Troy answered.

"Okay," Britta said as she took their glasses and placed them on the table. She smiled at him playfully.

Just as Britta thought her dreams were coming true, Troy yelled, "Abed!"

Abed ran into the room as Troy pretended to fall unconscious. "Nurse Perry, it looks like this man is suffering from type two brain decay, we need to get him to the operating theatre fast, or he isn't going to make it."

"Wow," Jeff said in shock.

In the bathroom, Annie also looked shocked.

"We had to act out an entire operation. And then we did follow ups to check on his progress," Britta told her.

"See, it's time to get serious about this or I might lose her," Troy told Jeff.

"I really like Troy, but that's no way to have a relationship, right?" Britta asked.

"I have a date with her tonight and I need to make it the best date ever to show her that being with me isn't all playing around," Troy said full of concern.

"Then you came to the right person. Here's what you do-" Jeff started.

"I think the best thing to do would be to just see how it goes. For all we know he might just keep Abed around to calm his nerves," Annie explained in the other location.

"Huh, I never thought of it like that," Britta said, getting somewhat calmer.

"If it really bothers you, you just have to tell him. If he still chooses Abed then you know it's not meant to be," Annie continued.

"I guess you're right. Thanks," Britta said before leaving the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" Annie asked.

"I have to go and get ready."

"Just so you know, we could have just discussed this in the study room," Annie said as the door closed.

Meanwhile in the library Troy looked amazed. "That is fantastic, are you sure it will work?"

"Look who you're talking to, I could get any woman I want." Jeff assured him.

"But Britta turned you down."

"Shut up and go and get ready. And Troy, if you need any help you only have to call."

Hours later, Troy was stood behind hid apartment door in a suit, he looked nervous and was breathing heavily. There was a knock on the door. Troy took in a deep breath, composed himself, forced a smile and answered. Britta was stood in the hall wearing an elegant red dress. Troy's smile instantly became natural. "Come in."

Troy led her into the candle lit apartment and sat her down at the table that had been decorated with flowers.

"Wow, the place looks nice," Britta said, sounding a little nervous.

"You haven't seen it all yet." Troy opened the curtains to reveal that the window had been covered with sheets of paper with a badly drawn Eiffel Tower on it. Britta smiled at it as Troy sat opposite her. "Sorry I couldn't afford to take you somewhere nice. I know that this isn't great but I'll try to make it up to you."

"Troy, don't worry about it. I can tell you put a lot of work into this, and it's wonderful."

"You ready for your appetizer?"

"Sure."

Troy clapped his hands. Abed - dressed as a waiter - walked in from one of the bedrooms with two dishes and placed them on the table. Britta tried to hide her disappointment.

"Don't worry he's not staying," Troy told her.

"Here you go, sir; ma'am," Abed said.

"Thank you, Alfred," Troy replied.

Abed smiled at Britta and returned to the bedroom. Britta looked at her food. "What is it?"

"Olive and gummy bear salad. I wanted it to be fancy, but still fun. Tuck in!"

Britta grabbed her fork and started to poke at her meal. When some stuck to the fork and wouldn't fall off she slowly moved it to her mouth, looking disgusted. She paused as it got close to her face, she then dropped it. "I'm sorry, but I can't eat this. I appreciate the thought you put into it, but these two foods together is just wrong."

"It's okay, you can just eat around the olives." When he saw that Britta still didn't like the idea he sighed and spoke again. "I thought something like this might happen. We'll go straight to the main course."

Troy stood up and started making his way to the kitchen area. He stopped and span back to face Britta. "Shoot. I forgot to make the main course." Britta looked back at him blankly, not knowing how to react. "I can't believe I screwed this up. Come on, I'll take you out."

"No, you don't have to-" Britta started.

"This was supposed to be a special night, so it will be," Troy interrupted.

"But what about the money?"

"I'll manage, come on."

Troy led Britta out on to the street. Pierce was dressed as a chauffeur and waiting for them with a limo. He smiled at them. Britta's mouth dropped and she turned to Troy.

"You set this up?"

Troy smiled slightly and walked her towards the car.

"M'lady," Pierce greeted her.

"Pierce," she responded.

Pierce opened the door for them and once they were in the car he closed it and climbed in the driver's seat and set off.

A short while later the car pulled up on a field on the school grounds. Troy and Britta got out of the car and walked to a small table already set up with a tablecloth, candles and flowers. They sat down.

"The flowers are for you," Troy said.

"Thank you," Britta said, picking them up and smelling them.

Abed and Jeff arrived with dishes and placed them on the table, they then smiled and left the couple to it.

"To start we have a regular salad. For real this time."

"I don't know what to say."

"Then don't. I know things haven't been great in the past, but from now on that is going to change. I've spoken to Abed and we agreed that we spend enough time together. So now we're free to have time dedicated to just us."

"Thank you, that is just what I wanted."

Pierce and Abed walked past the table pulling a cart containing a large Lego model of the Eiffel Tower.

"Oh my God," Britta exclaimed when she saw it.

"I didn't know what your favourite food was, so I made spaghetti. How about we do that scene from Lady and the Tramp? You can be the lady this time."

Britta smiled and let out a little laugh.

Troy walked Britta to the door of her building. It was now late at night and the air was calm.

"Thanks for walking me home," She said to him.

"I'm sorry I couldn't afford to keep the limo longer, we wouldn't have had to walk."

"It doesn't matter. I had a great night."

"Me too," Troy smiled.

Britta leaned in and kissed Troy on the lips. "Do you want to come in?"

"I better not, I should check on Abed."

Britta was disappointed but understood. "Then goodnight, I guess."

"Goodnight."

Britta watched as Troy started walking away.

"Ugh! I shouldn't have done that, I have no idea how to get back home from here," Troy whispered to himself, looking around nervously.

"Hey. Come in," Britta said to him.

Troy turned around and walked back to Britta.

Troy and Abed stood in the bedroom wearing pyjamas. They were dancing slightly as Abed spat a beat and Troy rapped badly.

"My mood goes up and down like a yo-yo. I get real emotional. But I would not change it though, because I do not care at all. Host Troy and Abed in the morning. Like to select our guests without warning."

Troy then took over the beat as Abed started rapping.

"Life does not come easy to me, so I like to think it's like TV. It doesn't feel like I'm on such a tightrope if I sort situations in TV tropes."

The two started singing in perfect synchronisation. "We are Troy and Abed, not just in the morning-" They went silent Troy and exchanged worried looks when they noticed Annie stood at the door watching them.

Moments later Troy, Abed and Annie were all dancing and singing.

"We are Troy and Abed," Troy and Abed sang.

"And Annie too."

"And we do not care if-"

Pierce was stood at the door in his pyjamas and interrupted them. "Will you keep it down? Some of us are trying to sleep," he said slowly, full of frustration.

When he left Troy, Abed and Annie shared a confused look.

"Did you two know he was here?" Annie asked. Troy and Abed shook their heads.


	5. Non-Fiction Writing for Beginners

NON-FICTION WRITING FOR BEGINNERS

Greendale Community College & Cool Abed Productions Presents

CHANGNESIA: A CASE STUDY

An Abed Nadir Report

By Abed Nadir

Kevin: Recovering Changnesiac – A Foreword.

Hello, I like to start off by thanking you for reading this buck book. My name is Kevin, or so they tell me, actually they told me my birth name was Benjamin Chang, but I can't remember anything before three weeks ago when they found me and brought me here. But by using a special shiny glass called a mee-or, I have estimated that I am fifteen years old. Although I have no way of knowing. – Kevin/Ben Chang.

Introduction

Chang ne sia: Noun| Origin: Greek/Chinese

1. The complete loss of memory caused by a sudden trauma that was, itself, also forgotten.

2. See also: Kevin's Disease.

My name is Abed Nadir, a senior student at Greendale Community Study. I am writing this report to inform (and hopefully still entertain) you about the case of Benjamin Chang, an ex-teacher at this school who as of three weeks ago is suffering from a new and extremely rare disorder. He's the only known sufferer.

Before I go into further detail on what I want to call Patient Zero, AKA Ben Chang/Senior Chang/Chang/El Tigre Chino/Kevin, I want to outline in a little more detail what Changnesia is. As the above definition above suggests, Changnesia is a condition that involves memory loss. I guess the definition said all there was to say. Now that I think of it I'm not sure how it's any different to Amnesia, but I have little to no knowledge in the world of medicine.

In his time before the condition, Ben Chang was an angry, bitter, arrogant but knowingly pathetic man who abused any authority he had, he was also known to have erratic bursts of near psychotic rage. Looking back, maybe it's possible that his behaviour was a symptom of a life long undiagnosed problem, which we now know as Changnesia. I can't say, I'm not a doctor, and many people tell me I have some kind of disorder.

All I can say for sure is that now, Chang is not the man he once was. He appears to have no memory of the time before his condition. He now identifies himself as Kevin, and his crazed persona has been replaced with a kind, gentle person with a childlike sense of wonder.

Interviews

I thought it would be a good idea to interview some of those who knew the case study before and after the incident. For the sake of being impartial I won't share my own opinions on the matter, so here are the views of my closest friends.

**You've known Senior Chang the longest out of any of us, could you tell us a little about him?**

Dean Craig Pelton: I first met Chang when I hired him as a Spanish teacher at Greendale. Then he became a disgraced student, psychopathic music major, homeless vent dweller, security guard, power hungry war lord, and now, Kevin. It's sad to see him like this, well it's mixed, he was pretty terrible. At Greendale, we accept all students, whoever they may be - or have forgotten they were - but assisting with Kevin's recovery has put a financial strain on the school. That's why we are appealing to the MacGuffin Neurological Institute for this forty thousand dollar grant, so we can continue to fight this terrible disease... Not just because we need money. Actually don't publish that.

Britta Perry: I have this controversial theory; what if Chang was originally Kevin, hit his head and turned into Chang, and now something's turned him back into Kevin?

Jeff Winger: That's stupid, not to mention impossible.

BP: I said it was controversial. You'll see. I'm going to solve this.

Abed Nadir (Me): What you're saying is kind of interesting, but it doesn't really answer my question.

BP: Oh. What was the question?

AN: What did you think of Kevin before his condition?

JW: He was a dick.

BP: I agree with that.

Pierce Hawthorne: I didn't always get on with him, but at various points during our time together we were almost friends. There's no doubt he was my favourite student, I like to think we had a special connection. Now leave me alone, I'm trying to eat.

**And how is he different now?**

JW: He isn't, because he's faking the whole thing.

DCP: I don't know.

Shirley Bennett: Well he isn't a jerk, in fact I think I'm starting to like him. *Laughs* He's like a child, it's cute.

PH: I said leave me alone!

Conclusion

After studying the case, I have come to the conclusion that Changnesia is a thing. I now realize that the report isn't as interesting or in depth as we'd hoped. Oh well.


End file.
